Returning to My Church
Since I left HZ in May 2011, I haven't been to the my Church for the past 10 years where I have served as one of the active members between 2005-2011. That year, I passed the written examination of ZJ University's doctoral examination, but failed the interview or was made failed behind the scenes. Actually, it was arranged internally well before the examinations. I was so angry and furious that I decided to leave HZ immediately. On May 10, I was notified that the interview failed. On May 21, I already left HZ and arrived in my hometown, 80 km north to HZ, where there was my home village. In a rush, it was too late to say goodbye to my comrades in the Church, and they also didn't seem to care much for my absence, because after I had been away for quite a long time, and there was still no one to try to contact me in between, and no one ventured to ask me why I didn't go to church for that long time. This was a solid proof of their ignorance of my existence. The Church has been experiencing a very fast metabolism, and it favors young people to the matured ones like me. Besides, I was not an indispensable person to the Church and I have no sound social position as well, so it didn't matter to them at all. On my side, I quitted one location and came to a new one, and I also have a new circle of social contacts and a new way of life. Therefore I may not be so nostalgic for the time in that church in the past. People are always moving forward, and the church is only a temporary venue for get-together. It only gathers together once a week, and it cannot involve in people's lives for too long a time.
In the past 10 years, I have been to HZ a couple of times, but unfortunately not on weekends. The reason was very simple. It is impossible to come to HZ on weekends to do businesses, therefore I usually went there Mondays. Therefore, I haven't met with many church colleagues in those 10 years. But once upon a time I went to the Public Security Bureau and I ran into Brother Yu on the road near the Office. He told me that his daughter went to Switzerland to get married and that he would also go to Switzerland to attend the wedding pretty soon, therefore he came here to get his passport done. Time really flied! I remembered that his daughter was a little girl back then, but now she was a wife, and she was married thousands of miles away in Switzerland. During the months when his wife was seriously ill, I prayed for her, visited the hospital, learned about the treatment plan for lung cancer, invested a lot of energy there, and yet her wife finally left us under our eyes, bringing infinite nostalgia and sorrows. This was the first time in my life that I have witnessed a person dying away.
Although I came and went in a hurry, I often missed my earlier days in the church, although there are also unpleasant times and disappointments.
At the end of June 2020, I moved to HZ again. Although my intention was to prepare for the Fall semester visa to a certain country, yet for various reasons, I have been staying in HZ till now. In the meantime I was too busy to spare a day to visit the Church. The distance is also a reason. It will take me a total of one and a half hours to travel by bus from my lodging to the church. At that time, I didn't have that much time in the bus.
Now on a Saturday of August 28, 2021, I finally gathered my courage and embarked on a journey back to the church. And I thought, if possible, I will go there every Saturday to participate in worship in the future. After all, I was an engaging activist in the past.
I originally planned to go there early in the morning, but there were always things I must finish every morning, so I waited until 9 o’clock to leave home for the church. I just wanted to participate in the afternoon worship. After all, I haven’t been there for a long time, and people wouldn’t expect me to appear again, I myself did also not expect to return to the church one day. So I don't have to be so serious.
This time I took bus no. xxx, which turned out to be a mistake. I got off at the intersection of TMS Road and GD Road. I couldn’t easily find the zebra crossing because of the construction of the subway. I have been walking under the scorching summer sun for 20 minutes before crossing the road. Then I detoured many roads and walked many detours. I walked through LH Street and the shops I was familiar with. Finally, I arrived at JZ Road, and then I reached the WWE Road. The church was in one of the commercial and residential complexes upstairs. The guard at the door saw that I looked like an acquaintance, so I didn't have to show my health code, and I went straight to the stairs and came straight to my Jerusalem on the fourth floor. Jerusalem, ah, Jerusalem in my heart, is it really the temple in people's hearts? not necessarily! In fact, the temple is no longer in Jerusalem, nor in the Church, but in our own hearts. It was almost 10:30 when I got there, but the preaching was still in progress. Everything was so familiar and kind! It's been a long time! I was about to see my familiar fellow, and my heart was extremely excited and nervous, and a little at a loss.
At the front desk, you need to sign off and leave your handy number
When I came to the front desk of the church, two people greeted me. I recognized one of them, that was a certain teacher named MHF, and the other I didn't recognize. But she knew me instead and told me also that I served in the church ten years ago. I have been to the church several times during the past 10 years, so I know some of the changes. While I have been here a few times, yet I haven't met anyone. Only the one meeting in April last year was pre-arranged by Brother CD. Unfortunately, the scene was very cold. I came all the way, 100 km from my hometown, and when it was time for dinner (almost 5 pm), he left me with an empty stomach. Although I don't think he had to invite me to dinner, yet this kind of occasion did not even have the most basic hospitality. I was very disappointed.
Sing the hymn "The Most Beautiful Blessing in This Life", one of my most favorite songs
The church's space has indeed extended, and the floor area has doubled, but the number of people in the gatherings have decreased a lot, here and there scarcely scattered over the church floor, with a total of about thirty to fifty, while this would be more than one hundred people in the past. Later, I learned that the church has expanded to four or five other places besides this Church, and the main church has been moved to a church called MLZ or Beautiful Isle in LZ district, some 15 or 20 km north to the Church. This new church was built shortly after I left HZ, and I have also donated a little money. But so far I have not set foot on the new church. However, with HZ's huge population of ten of millions, no matter how many churches you build, they should be crowded! Four or five churches, a total of only a thousand people, it is only ten-thousandth of HZ's tens of millions of people. It can be seen that Christianity has no influence in HZ. Nor did it play a useful role. It's basically self-entertainment. Perhaps this is a bit too straightforward.
DH hosted the gathering with the subject "Abundant Life"
The interior decoration of the church was more modern and simpler than in the past. The screen projection system was introduced with computer control, but the piano did not seem to have changed. The great role of sacred music has not been fully exploited. Basically it remains at the earlier level when I was here. I liked the church in the early days, largely because of the beauty of music.
The library has been enlarged and enriched as well, and the number of books and periodicals far exceeded that of the past. There was a special room for Sunday School. A conference room has been set up specifically. The overall management system was more complete and more comfortable, but the gathering space seemed unchanged. When I came here in April, Brother CD showed me the next room, but this time it was not used for gathering. Was it sold out?
"Sunday School", elegant environment
Because I was coming here a bit late, I could only sit in the back row, just beside the donation box. I didn’t notice it until the donation time came. It was not a good experience to be forced to donate when I came again to the church after so long a time. In fact, donations should be voluntary. People who come to the church must know that the operation of the church relies on the loving donations of the believers. Needless to say, they will automatically find ways for donations. There is no need for a special donation ceremony or time. Instead, it makes people feel that your purpose of running the church is not pure. Of course, few church management agrees with my ideas. Many churches actually cheat money under the sign of the church and the name of Jesus, especially the rural churches, which are known to be doing business under the disguise of Jesus. I believe the Church has not fallen to this point.
The preacher was a 40+-year-old male pastor or teacher or elder, but not a member of the Church. The subject of the day was "Abundant Life". Nicodemus asked Jesus for advice, and the Samaritan woman challenged our Lord. The specific details will not be repeated. The preaching was pretty good, at least much better than if I would be the preacher. However, most of these sermons were made by copying other people's speeches, and then altering them by themselves, and they rarely wrote them entirely on the basis of their own life experience. According to the aunt Chen, Pastor X was not that simple. He came from the northwest. He had no social ties in HZ and had no experience of studying in HZ too. Yet he has made his own success on his own. His basic conditions are far inferior to me, yet I still have nothing.
At noontime we went upstairs on the 5th floor for lunch. The canteen has been renovated. Unlike the past, lunch was a bento packed in a lunch box, therefore wavering the hard work of the logistics staff and the needs for washing after meals. I used to be a canteen cleaner, and many people were also willing to serve in the kitchen. In the past, there were far more people, therefore we have to set up additional luncheon tables and awnings on the balcony as well. I set up awnings with young people who were more than 12 years younger than me. No need now. The lunch contains some vegetables, two little chicken drumsticks, some rice, plus a banana and a soft drink, basically enough as a lunch. I sat with Aunt Chen and the preacher at the same table. Aunt Chen, now 70+ years old, was the core figure of this church. She had a strong cohesion and she cared much about us. The preacher, on the other hand, used to preach full-time, but now he preached part-time, and was a seminary graduate. I don't know where he was working now, but it was said that his salary was very high. He had a daughter who was 19 years old, so he was worried about her future. In addition to Aunt Chen and her husband, there were a few people I knew, including DH, LC, ML, HF, and a few with whom I was familiar as well, but I couldn’t remember their names, or I didn't know their names in the first place. In general, the majority was new to me, and I just recognized fewer than 10 people. After the meals, Aunt Chen gave me all the bananas and drinks they had left. At the same time, she also gave me the Longan that was given to her by the next table, which made me owe her again. Aunt Chen was a pragmatic person, pragmatic and not evasive. Her hometown was Shanghai, and I went to Shanghai to study since I was a child, and I was accustomed to life in Shanghai.
Meals at noon, bento instead of self-cooking in the past
In the afternoon, I came to the sermon again, and pretty soon there was a donation time. When the clock stroked 2 o'clock pm, the worship was over, and all people except a few would go home after a short greeting. I thought they would talk to me for a while after not seeing each other for so many years, but I was thinking too much. So don't think too much about going to church. When the party is over, leave immediately. What should I do? Some people in the church also have other activities, such as teaching at the Sunday school, which is the education of children, but it has nothing to do with me.
The Church belongs to the SDA Church. Its full name is Seventh Day Adventist Church. It originated in the United States in 1863 and was founded by Madam Ellen White and others. Worldwide it has approximately 22 million members, 100,000 churches, 20,000 pastors, 200 Hospitals, more than 100 higher education institutions. In China, it has about 200 000 followers. Its worship day is every Saturday, not every Sunday (in fact, it is irrelevant, as every day should be our worship day, and because of the difference in the earth’s latitudes of each church, their Saturdays are not at the same earth time). The church emphasizes the role of prayer, but prayer is separated from action, so it is a mere formality. In a worship, a considerable part of the time is spent in prayer. When the prayer is over, pat the ass and leave the church for worldly businesses.
"Abundant life", how to enrich it? Now that my mother was gone, where's the life then? Where comes the abundance from?
I have been thinking a lot about religion, including Christianity and churches ever since my young age. But most people don't think that much about it, yet they live much smarter, more comfortable, and much decenter than me. Everyone thinks differently with regards to attending churches. However, for thousands of years, religion was nothing more than sheer gatherings of people of some tribes. The gathering of a group of people with similar races, geography, and cultural traditions has nothing or at least little to do with faith. Of course, religions today also allow people of different races, nationalities, and cultures to share the same religious group. It is still unknown how this trend will change in the future. With regards to the so-called religious belief, there is in fact no absolute relationship between religion and belief, while faith knows no national borders, races, and cultural traditions, just like science has no borders. If you go to church with your faith in mind, you will very much likely to be greatly disappointed. Just as if you take Confucianism with you to live in today's society, you are bound to be disappointed. I do not want to say too much about it, because this topic is simply too big.
Religion, to put it bluntly, is just a get-together. Don't think about it too much.