My Diaries

(July 2018)

July 31 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 873 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4283 Days 天

昨晚梦见母亲，在阳台晒衣服，做饭。

决定以网络金融安全为主，兼顾其它。

 

July 30 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 872 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4282 Days 天

昨晚梦见母亲。

 

July 29 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 871 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4281 Days 天

昨晚梦见鲁锦萍，她说已经退休，在家带孙子。我告诉她想去娘姨哪里扫墓，因为前年（梦中记忆，其实已经好几年了）娘姨去世时没有机会过去奔丧。

昨晚也梦里考虑网络金融的业务模式，决定做一个在线交易平台，包括技术，数字货币，安全和服务等的交易。但真正开发和维护可不是简单d事情。

 

July 25 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 867 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4277 Days 天

Finished reading Flaubert: Madame Bovary and continue to read Dumas: The Three Musketeers.

July 24 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 866 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4276 Days 天

It was a mistake that the French government was willing to help me out of China. In fact it was only an indication that I might go to their Shanghai consulate and talk with people there about my plan, but nothing was promised. After I've written two letters to the chief cabinet without replies, I have realized that their socalled invitation was no difference to others saying you're welcome to our office but it's your own risk to get nothing done.

Therefore there is no reasons to continue with my French, and all other languages except English.

Likewise, I don't need to maintain my competences in all other sciences, incl. chip design (satellite modem IP core), as no results were obtained after contacting hundreds of chip companies in China and elsewhere.

As a result of this, and after two years and 4 months after mother's death, I have finally realized that I shall never waste too much time on useless studies except some kind of researches on quantum computer and perhaps other types and new generations of computer technologies if my life is completely renewed and normalized, plus a little English. That's all, no more, no less.

Business will concentrate on online finance, but no details are worked out yet. Therefore I might try other ways too.

 

July 20 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 862 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4272 Days 天

Sent hundreds of mails to government leaders worldwide, in order to ask for helping me out of China. I might have misunderstood the invitation of the French cabinet, therefore it is also useless to improve my French. There is also no chance with the French government.

Sent hundreds of mails to professors in all countries, for my quantum computer research plan, without any use.

Sent thousands of mails to chip companies for my modem IP core design, also without any results. Only a few replied but with no positive answers.

Sent thousands of mails to online finance companies, also without any results. Only a few replied but with no positive answers.

Now, I won't contact the politicians, professors etc.

For businesses in chip, online businesses, I will only reuse my mass mailing tools, regardless of its usefulness, for anyway it is useless to send mails via an online submittal systems or through my webmail interfaces.

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After all these efforts are failed, I have decided again to return to the earlier plan, that is:

as far as studies are considered, only keep my competences in English and quantum computer, but I won't publish any of my ideas and papers or books I might write. I will not touch any other languages, nor will I continue with my chip design.

Business will be focus on online financing, i.e. online payment consulting. I may still send marketing to other business areas, but I will only spend time on online finance.

 

 

 

July 19 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 861 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4271 Days 天

I saw mother last night, only in my dream.

Today is the 83th birth day of my mother. Mother has never celebrated her birth during her lifetime, because there was a fear that in our believe that one should forget one's birth day so that one can live healthily. I always deliberately not mention my birthday when it is appraching, so that I can maintain my health. However, now that mother is gone, we can celebrate her birthday every day. Last year was the first year after mother's decease, and I forgot to celebrate her birthday. But from this year on, I shall always remember her birthday and remember her forever and ever.

I don't know how to celebrate her birthday now. Normally one eates noodle for birthday, and say happy birthday to you. But mother can neither eat noodle nor hear my taling, therefore the only thing I can do is to write something for her.

However, I don't know what to write. I can only blame myself for not protecting mother well and made her unhappy always, so that she did not want to live long any more. It was my fault, my mistake and my crime that force mother to leave us. I have not performed my role as her son well enough. My catastrophal life has made her sorrow and hopeless.

 

July 11 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 853 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4263 Days 天

English

Today a thunderstorm is coming, strong wind blasts from east and I don't know what will happen in the next few days. Fortunately I have been to a nearby town called Donblin this early morning by bike and have bought some vegetables already, otherwise it will be difficult to get them under heavy rain and strong wind.

My brother has again brought me some vegetables this morning as well.

I havn't heard from Mr Wei, my former classmate, these few days after a telephone call. In the telephone he said he will introduce me to Huagong's Chair of Board, and he also expressed his wish to come to pay me a visit here in Huzhou. But I told him that was not necessary and I told him instead that I may arrange a trip to Shanghai where we can meet each other.

Mr Kristen from the USA also did not write me these days, as he said he will check for the linguistic problems in the published translation again. Maybe his letter is again lost somehow, like last time. I shall contact him tonight.

I shall spend more time on writing my superconducting quantum computer book and I will also consider to publish it when it is finished. Earlier I am determined never to publish any of my writings for avenging the academia which have refused my research plans over the last decade. This refusal was also on of the major reasons which lead to my mother's suicide. I will never forgive those academia.

Contacts with VLSI design and production companies have resulted a few replies, although no sales were actualized so far. But at least there is some sign of market demand for this kind of chip - I mean the modem IP core fore satellite broadband applications. As long as I try to market it and as long as I keep my competence at reasonable levels, there shall be chances for the sales of this type of chips.

 

français

Aujourd'hui, un orage arrive, de forts vents soufflent de l'est et je ne sais pas ce qui va se passer dans les prochains jours. Heureusement, je me suis rendu à vélo dans une ville voisine appelée Donblin ce matin et j'ai déjà acheté des légumes, sinon il sera difficile de les avoir sous une pluie battante et un vent fort.

Mon frère m'a encore apporté des légumes ce matin.

Je n'ai pas entendu M. Wei, mon ancien camarade de classe, ces quelques jours après un appel téléphonique. Au téléphone, il a dit qu'il me présenterait au président du conseil d'administration de Huagong, et il a également exprimé son souhait de venir me rendre visite ici à Huzhou. Mais je lui ai dit que ce n'était pas nécessaire et je lui ai dit plutôt que je pourrais organiser un voyage à Shanghai où nous pourrions nous rencontrer.

M. Kristen des Etats-Unis ne m'a pas non plus écrit ces jours-ci, puisqu'il a dit qu'il vérifierait à nouveau les problèmes linguistiques dans la traduction publiée. Peut-être que sa lettre est de nouveau perdue, comme la dernière fois. Je vais le contacter ce soir.

Je vais passer plus de temps à écrire mon livre d'ordinateur quantique supraconducteur et je vais aussi envisager de le publier quand il sera terminé. Auparavant, je suis déterminé à ne jamais publier aucun de mes écrits pour venger l'université qui a refusé mes projets de recherche au cours de la dernière décennie. Ce refus était aussi l'une des raisons majeures qui ont conduit au suicide de ma mère. Je ne pardonnerai jamais à ces universités.

Les contacts avec les sociétés de conception et de production de VLSI ont donné lieu à quelques réponses, bien qu'aucune vente n'ait été réalisée jusqu'à présent. Mais au moins, il y a un certain signe de la demande du marché pour ce genre de puce - je veux dire les applications IP de base du modem pour Internet haut débit par satellite. Tant que j'essaierai de le commercialiser et tant que je maintiendrai mes compétences à un niveau raisonnable, il y aura des chances pour la vente de ce type de puces.

 

 

July 10 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 852 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4262 Days 天

English

From now on, my diary will be bilingual - either English and French or Chinese and French.

Prepared for documents to be used for possible meeting at the French consulate in Shanghai, incl. PhD certificate, research plan, CV, book list, modem design documentation, passport and ID card, and others.

Updated the French resume, wrote a French research plan for superconducting quantum computer and contacted French professors for conducting my research of quantum computer with French resume and French research plan. Earlier I sent out English resume and English research plans instead to all people, incl. those in France, Germany and other countries.

Learned Russian and French a lot.

français

À partir d'aujourd'hui, mon journal sera bilingue - anglais et français ou chinois et français.

Préparé pour les documents à utiliser pour une éventuelle réunion au consulat de France à Shanghai, incl. Certificat de doctorat, plan de recherche, CV, liste de livres, documentation de conception de modem, passeport et carte d'identité, et autres.

Mise à jour du CV français, rédaction d'un plan de recherche français sur l'ordinateur quantique supraconducteur et contact avec des professeurs français pour la réalisation de mes recherches en informatique quantique avec CV français et plan de recherche français. Plus tôt, j'ai envoyé des curriculum vitae anglais et des plans de recherche anglais à la place à tous les gens, y compris. ceux en France, en Allemagne et dans d'autres pays.

J'ai beaucoup appris le russe et le français.

 

 

 

July 07 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 849 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4259 Days 天

Today I've received an email dated July 6, yesterday, from the French Chief Cabinet of the Prime Minister, Anne Clerc, who invited me to the Consulate General in Shanghai. This is perhaps of an important turning point of my life, therefore I shall prepare for this rendez-vous very carefully, incl. improvement of my French lanague skills. I need perhaps a month for the preparation. They responded to my April 2 mail regarding my exodus of China plan to France. I wrote the mail in French. Perhaps France will help me out of China. No other countries have invited me to talk so far.

Therefore I shall recommence my studies and researches of quantum computer regularly, perhaps also chip design.

In addtion to French and English, I will also resume the studies of Greek, Latin and Russian as well as German but only for limited time and efforts and just on purpose of showing others that I am still multilingual

 

July 06 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 848 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4258 Days 天

昨天移动来检查，网线没有问题。因建筑施工导致电缆破了，所以就无法上网。

 

July 04 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 846 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4256 Days 天

母亲去世将近二年四个月我才重新确定今后的人生方向。这段时间我无所适从。

身体感觉虚弱，说话都气短，跟过去一样了。要注意休息了。

今天网线出问题，一整天无法上网，说东林哪里电缆被挖掘，至下午3点半还没有修好。今天可怕不能上网了。

 

July 03 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 845 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4255 Days 天

昨晚梦见母亲。

良兄来电，说跟王老师一起来看我。我说不要麻烦。可能的话我去沪上见面。

今天网线出问题，无法上网，明天得叫人来修。光纤线路坏了。

 

July 02 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 844 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4254 Days 天

昨天收到良兄邮件，看能否见见面。他现在上海。他说跟我手机打不通，微信发不了。

 

July 01 Mother Past Away 母亲去世 843 Days天 Father Gone 父亲去世 4253 Days 天

昨晚梦见母亲与父亲。