My Diaries

(May 2019)

May 21

May 09

The peasants in my village think my life is over. Some declare me as the least capable person. Some think me psychologically ill. Many are talking bad words behind me. They have killed my mother, and now they want to kill me as well.

Two days ago, when I told one of the farmers in my neighbor that I won't stay here in this village for long and instead I will come to the world again and develop my new career, they were greatly astonished. In their mind, my life is already finished, at the time when I came back to this village, and there is no way to prosper or simply to go up. In their opinion, a man approaching 60 shall be retiring, as they told me. All farmers in this village won't believe that I will have a new start and a new life. They consider me the same people as themselves, and they don't now how different I am from these beasts.

Not just farmers, in fact most people in China think the same. My brother and sisters are also thinking like farmers; my classmates i middle schools and even in the university also take the same approach. All they have in their mind with regards to my career is simply this word :"finished".

Shall a man like me be finished? If I am finished, the entire world must be finished before me. I will certainly have a new life and a new career, much more prosperous and successful than before. .

May 08

I have a very bad mood these days, especially today. Yesterday I wrote a letter to the Hans Seidel Stiftung in Shanghai for a job as a translator, but they just ignored me. I thought language is my most competitive expertise, but they just ignored me, completely out of sense. How many people have same language competence's like me?

What's worse, is that all my correspondences with regards job applications for either chip design, languages, chip businesses and others have got no single response. I use a dozen of email accounts to send my application and business emails, however, there is no single incoming email except Boeing that said my application was rejected. You reject my application, and your clients will reject you as a return.

Now I think I have no way to find a job even if I possess myriads of talents. What a world is this now? Does GOD want to completely ruin me and the world altogether? If I am ruined, then there is no justice in this world at all. The wicked are roaring all over the world, the evil doers are prevailing over the earth, and the justice is retreating. This world is deemed to be destroyed.

The people of the village where I am now living are among the worst in the world. They have pushed my mother to death, and now they want to kill me by their wicked tongues and mouths. Out of their tongues and mouths come only wicked words, which eventually killed my mother. Let GOD punish them all to death and fire! These wicked peasants are talking bad words behind me days and nights, saying I am the least able person. They accuse me of not being able to become either rich, powerful or having a woman. What kind of women are now living in China's soil? ALl wicked, money slaves. They care and hunt only men's purse, and they care little about morality, virtue and all kinds of good nature. Money is all they want.

I have tried all I can, but I can find no way out of poverty. There is no job, no business order, no true friends, no whatever. Where is my future?

My website angelia.space has been getting more and more viewing, but without a stable and considerable income, I have no enthusiasm to continue to develop this website. There is also problem with the current hosting, where there is some breakdown of service from time to time so that the google search ranking is tremendously impacted. FTP uploading is also troublesome, oft times ftp connection cannot be established, and uploading speed is limited to only some KB/s. That's unbearable, but I have already paid a year and is not able to change a host easily. I will develop my website into a very valuable webportal of the modem technology, with all sorts of information and functions the modem industry stakeholders need. I can't say too much now how this website will be evolved into in the future, but certainly with my imagination it will become a surprise to all people in the industry and probably all people in the world will enjoy its value in the end. But now without income I cannot realize it shortly.

The local village officers are pushing me to buy apartment they are developing right now.But I won't stay in this place forever, although there is no chance to leave it quickly. But sooner or later I will develop my career, business and researches in a free country, where I have no fear of being driven out of my own home, where I can speak I want to say, where I can talk to any people like my own brothers and sisters. Here in communist ruled China, we're living worse than beasts on the earth. People without freedom of speech is worse than animals. The key difference between humans and animals is the ability to speak.

The local village officers are very corrupt, they take money from all kinds of projects they are plotting out of nothing. They turn land to fish pools, fish pools to land, land to houses, houses to land etc etc. Each project will enrich them a bit, and after 3 or 5 years they are all millionaires. As a result, the agriland are wasted, farmers have lost their own land and old houses. I must try to report theses cases to the higher levels of government. I've been reporting this kind of things over the last years, but the governments at all levels just ignored my reports, just as all companies are rejecting my job applications and business contacts.

What's wrong with this world?